November, by David Mamet
Opens this Friday!
I’m Dwight Grackle, chief of the Micmac Nation, leader of a sovereign nation and rightful heir to Nantucket Island based on a treaty signed by my trusted and honored ancestors. Then, with honeyed words, they stole it from us. A National Seashore Preserve? What’s that!?? We are one with the animals. The Micmac nation is one with the raven, the crab and the tiger beetle. I only need 25 square miles – roughly half – so, don’t get all worked up! To build a casino, an adult playground. Only 4,000 beds bringing more people in to see the birds! Who can have a problem with that?
“They are very sensitive, you know – Turkeys! Beautiful, sensitive creatures and there is no question why the President gives them a special pardon each year on their special day! Thanksgiving isn’t just about eating Turkey, but honoring them before you eat them! And if you let them smell your hand, they will love you for their very short-lived life. Being a friend makes them even more tasty. Well, you decide! So, go buy those Turkeys today, because that is what Americans do!”
I’m tired, I’m sick – frankly, I’m sick and tired! All I want to do is hang out with my new baby and marry my partner. What do I have to do? Quit? Maybe not! I got brains, resources, some power and I can make this work. I just got to get the President to agree. I’m the speech writer after all – words are my thing! This will all work out, right!?
It’s tough being a “yes-man.” You have to know when to say “yes,” and then when to pause, and then say “yes.” And whatever you do, don’t take credit for anything. It’s always the President’s credit and someone else’s (not yours!) fault. Your job is to make sure you know whose fault it is. Above all things, get your President re-elected, because if you don’t, then you are out of a job. Like I said, it’s tough being the Chief of Staff.
President Charles Smith’s chances for reelection are looking grim. It’s November in an election year, approval ratings are down, Chuck’s money’s running out, and nuclear war might be imminent. Though his staff has thrown in the towel and his wife has begun to prepare for her post-White House life, Chuck isn’t ready to give up just yet. Amidst the biggest fight of his political career, the President has to find time to pardon a couple of turkeys, saving them from the slaughter before Thanksgiving, and this simple PR event inspires Smith to risk it all in attempt to win back public support.